


The Stars and Moon

by Judgement



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Child!Reader - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8718190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judgement/pseuds/Judgement
Summary: He was the lonely star out in the cold winter night, and you just happened to break the clouds to be the moon that lights up the night.[Child!Reader & The Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes]





	1. I'll be your Moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [abovethesmokestacks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/abovethesmokestacks/gifts).



> Inspired by an artwork of Bucky's arm being painted by Steve. Artwork credit goes to [Made of Sparrows](http://ofsparrows.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also listened to [Don't Fear the Reaper](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0AJTXv8T-Y) by The Spiritual Machines when writing. Check both of them out!!
> 
> Edit: It says Child!Reader x Bucky but please note that there will not be any illicit or inappropriate material. It's meant to be purely fluff between the two of them. Also it's the winter soldier in the description because well, most the time he's not himself.
> 
> This story can also be found on my tumblr: Awaitingjudgementx

He hears the small pitter patter of feet before anything else, and he knows who it is. Why they allow her here in such an awful place that smells of blood and decay he isn’t sure but he knows better than to question is superiors in that regard. She is allowed free roam of the entire place and there were no rules for the others and no rules for her, she was in as much danger as they all were and so he questioned why she always came to him, the most dangerous of them all.

The sound of footsteps grow louder before abruptly stopping in front of the door, the rag he pressed to the blade of his knife stills and blue eyes glance toward the door as the handle twitches and turns before finally twisting enough to ease open. He says nothing, when a small head pops into the room, glancing around before her [color] eyes landed on him and instantly her face lights up like the sun.

“Winter!” Her voice is small, squeaky and contains every ounce of eagerness and excitement an eight-year-old child could muster. The mask covers his face but he acknowledges her by turning his head and watching her squeeze in, the metal door groaning shut as she hefts her body weight against it to push it closed.

“You’re awake!” She finally says and he keeps his eyes trained on her, unresponsive and she swings the ends of her dress, curling it up in her fists. “I wasn’t sure when papa would wake you again.. I didn’t want you to be sad when you woke up so I decorated your bubble with stickers! Did you see?!”

Ah, so that was why his cryochamber was covered in childish stickers at the bottom, too tiny for her to reach any higher. He inclines his head to acknowledge her question and though she can’t see his expression behind his mask, nor does he have one, she beams up at him anyway.

“I brought you stuff!” She says suddenly when the room falls quiet, shrugging off the delicate straps so the small bag she has on her back hits the floor with a very soft, dull, thump. He doesn’t say anything but his body shifts and she smiles at him, a smile like the sun through the winter storm. She drags the backpack with her and over to the chair he is propped on, his shift allowing her to hoist herself up onto the edge of it and he’s carefully set aside the knives he was polishing and the gun is the furthers, with the chamber tucked back into one of the pockets on his belt.

“When they said you were awake I packed a lot of stuff!” She is excited and he is careful, his good arm is resting on his lap while he places his metal arm on the table beside her. Soft humming from her fills up the room as she props her bag beside her and shoves her hand inside, bringing out a clumsy handful of stickers and magnets, one which falls from her hand and immediately attached to his arm.

It’s the moon.

“The stars are lonely, so the moon is there to be their friend.” He doesn’t say anything as she plucks the magnet from his arm and moves it up closer to the red start on his shoulder. Blue eyes watching her carefully as she adds more stars around the bright red one. “You’re always lonely, so I will be the extra moon and stars.”

His blue eyes flick to her face and he flexes his metal hand, his jaw is tight as she continues to hum and fill the silence. It’s quiet, peaceful even and he allows himself to relax a fraction as he picks up the knife he was polishing with his free hand and carefully not to jostle her artwork, continues to polish the knife.

Her tongue sticks out in concentration as she continues with the stickers next, a full piece on his arms containing the stars and the galaxy which orbit around his red star. She tells him a story about how the red star was the world, and how the other stars and moon wanted to protect it, how lonely it was until they all showed up.

When her masterpiece is finished she throws her hands up in excitement, and his blue eyes flick to her face as she beams at him.

“All done!” There’s pride in her voice and her hands rest on her small hips as if to emphasize that pride in her work and she nods her head eagerly.

Blue eyes glance to his metal arm, shifting it from side to side as he looks at all the planets and stars running down his arm and he notices below the red star and moon side by side are stickers of three letters. BFF. He points to it with his other hand, and she only smiles wider, the dimples on her cheeks showing.

“Because you’re my best friend!”

His metal arm moves and she lets out a squeak of surprise as it lands atop her head, ruffling her hair as she lets out a frustrated noise. The ribbon holding her hair back is thoroughly ruffled and strands stick out and she huffs an indignant look at him.

“Thank you, [Name].”


	2. Remember to Say Goodbye

The same pitter patter alerts him before the doctors and his superiors have even noticed, the mask covers the lower portion of his face and blood decorates it along with a line of the red substance across his nose. He doesn’t say anything, he is trained better than that to question them as they go over the information he has currently given them and only when they ask will he proceed to tell them the rest. But everything is halted when the doors handle jiggles and twists until it groans open, the noise halting everyone in the room as they all lookup.

Her head pokes through the door and she doesn’t bother to look at anyone else in the room but him, her eyes light up and she squeezes herself in the rest of the way.

“Winter!” Her voice shrieks in delight, the guard by the door makes an effort to grab her but she’s already moved, small feet darting down toward him. The doctors protest, commotion breaks out and guns are raised up at him and he doesn’t acknowledge any of it, nor anyone but the small girl who is running toward him. His parade rest doesn’t move, he doesn’t twitch a muscle and instead his blue eyes focus on her form, his expression looking fairly angry with the black substance smeared around his eyes.

“Winter! Winter!” She repeats excitedly before colliding straight into his leg and wrapping her tiny arms around his leg. She rubs her face against his leg like one would when displaying affection to a pet and he watches with the same blank expression as she tilts her head to look up at him.

“You didn’t tell me you were leaving! I didn’t get to say goodbye!”

He doesn’t reply to her, the entire room is quiet and guns from guards are aimed at him and he knows why. In case he decides to hurt her or make even a motion at her, so he remains still and simply stares down at her form, blinking slowly.

“[Name].. Honey.” He hears the voice of one of the scientists and through a glance, to his side, he can see the resemblance between the two, it must be her mother. Her voice is cautious like too loud and she’ll provoke him to do something to the young girl latched onto his leg, but the small girl isn’t listening to her mother and instead steps back and throws her hands into the air with the silent command.

He unfolds his hands from behind him at her prompt and hears the guns click their safety off but his hands gently place under her arms as he hefts her up against him. Watching as she reaches forward and presses both of her tiny hands to his mask, her nose scrunches up and she tugs and tugs at it. The room is still, holding their breath and with a small inhale the mask pops off his face and lands in the space between them.

“You’re bad at makeup. Mommy should teach you.” He doesn’t say anything when her hands reach up and smear more of the eye black around his face and leaves a small finger print of the black grease on the tip of his nose. He says nothing to her and watches as she presses her forehead to his, eager hands smearing the eye black grease onto her hands before carefully applying it to her own.

“We match!”

There’s one of them clearing their throats and the Winter Soldier shifts so she’s propped up on his left side, held by his metal arm which is missing all of the previous artwork. The doctors and his own superiors are watching him, sharing glances but say absolutely nothing before one steps forward again and clears their throat,

“Continue.”

He does so with her against his side, the bright smile never leaving her face.


	3. Savior

It’s a shrill and terrified scream that wakes him from his sleep, hand already grasping the gun beneath his pillow as he sits up immediately alert. Screams in the compound weren’t all that unusual, and normally he was used to them but the tone of this one is slightly unsettling and there’s an instinct that prompts him to stay awake rather than ignore it and try to go back to sleep. So he waits to see if orders will come to him, his blue eyes trained on the door and his gun loaded with the safety off as he shifts to rest his feet on the floor and sit on the edge of his bed.

“[Name]?!” It’s the voice of her mother, full of pure terror and panic as footsteps pound down the metal corridor. “[NAME]!”

He stands in one fluid motion with the gun in his hand and opens his own door to see her mother running past as he steps out, stride long and heavy as he follows after her, the grip on his gun tightening. Another shrill scream from the familiar eight-year-old prompts him to walk just a little bit faster as her mother disappears around the corner, her desperate cries for her daughter tumbling out of scared lips and muffled sobs.

He turns the corridor to see the Hydra agent clutching onto her tightly, small hands against the agents face as tears drip down hers. One of her cheeks his bright red, an easy sign that the man clinging to her had hit her for whatever reason and her mother has stopped dead in her tracks, hands up in a mock surrender to appease the agent.

“Please.. just put my daughter down, I’m sure she meant no harm.” She’s passive in her attempt to help her daughter, hoping to ease tension and avoid any more commotion but the winter soldier has different ideas and he raises his gun up to take aim. The expression of the agent when he realizes who’s in the shadows behind the mother turns to horror and prompts the older woman to turn, her face immediately going petrified.

“Wait! No-!” He doesn’t waste the opportunity given and his finger doesn’t hesitate to pull the trigger, the bang echoes through the bare corridors loud and angry and muffles the sound of the agents body collapsing backward and he watches as the tiny body – her tiny eight-year-old body – hits the ground with another shrill cry and immediately balls up into herself.

Her mother turns on a dime, immediately running toward her and scrambling onto the ground as he lowers the gun and watches the scene unfold. It’s only when the mother is in front of her, attempting to pull her daughter closer that the shrill screams get louder like she’s even more terrified to be comforted by her own mother. He watches for a moment before turning away prepared to head back to his room and let the mother figure out what to do from here but the shrill voice stops him,

“Winter!” He freezes in his spot, blue eyes turning back to the small girl on the floor who is scrambling away from her mother who is attempting to scoop her up, whispering hushed tones to try and calm her down but it’s only upsetting her more.

“ _Winter!_ ” Her voice screams again and he moves, his heavy footsteps pounding against the metal corridor as he stops before the two of them and the mother freezes, eyes wide as she looks up at him carefully. Her hands are frozen, having prepared to pick her up in her tantrum and take her back to their room most likely.

He kneels down behind the eight-year-old still blubbering and rubbing at her face and the angry red mark on her face. As if sensing him behind her she immediately turns around and throws herself at him, tiny hands wrapping around his neck and clinging to him like a lifeline, hiccups with tears and snot pressed into the crook of his neck. He doesn’t move, his arms still at his side and he glances down at the form clinging to him and his eyes flick to the mother when she reaches out slowly to grab her daughter away but the second her hands touch her daughter’s sides the young girl is letting out another shrill scream into his neck.

Her mother’s hands pull away as if she’s been burned, a pained look on her face as she stares at him and her daughter at a loss of what to do. Entire body tensing when his metal arm moves and shifts around her form and the hiccups and sobs in his neck slowly begin to subside, and in one fluid motion, his metal arm is beneath her form propping her against him as he stands up. The mother jerks back in surprise, flinching at the sudden movement but immediately stands to her feet after, it doesn’t take more than a few more sniffles before the eight-year-old in his arms is fast asleep.

At the prompt look given by him the mother slowly reaches forward, untangling her daughter from him and pulling her close, she hugs her daughter tightly to her body and though she looks ready to flee from his presence and the scene of what happened she pauses and finally looks him in the eye.

“Thank you.”

He returns to his room without a word and easily drifts back to sleep, and when he’s woken in the morning to prepare for the day there’s a small drawing outside his door waiting for him.

It’s of him and [Name] drawn in crude crayons and it makes its home on the stand beside his bed.


	4. Unspoken Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, these aren't really in any chronological order, but some chapters will hint to other ones.

The door groans open as he stands within a darkened spot of the room, still like a statue with his head leaning back against the wall. Blue eyes flick over to those entering and he immediately recognizes the little one’s mother who’s looking fairly distraught.

“What is it, Diane? I don’t have time.”

“I’m concerned about [Name].”

[Name]? The Winter Soldier’s head tilts up a fraction and he continues to gaze at the pair from his spot, no intention of announcing he was there.

“She’s been spending an awful lot of time with that Winter Soldier of yours, I’m concerned for her safety.” There’s genuine concern in her voice and the winter soldier closes his eyes momentarily, drowning out the visuals and hoping he can hear better over the shuffle of footsteps and papers.

“You’re concerned about her safety? You should have thought about that before bringing her here.”

“I’d like you to order him to stay away from her.” Diane’s voice is firm, but there’s a hint of pleading beneath the surface.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, you cannot continue to shelter her. She’ll eventually be among the ranks once she’s old enough, it’s best she gets used to their behavior now.”

“You can’t force her there,” There’s a defiant undertone covered up by fear.

“We can, and we will. Diane, you seem to have forgotten why she’s even alive, and why she’s here in the first place.”

The Winter Soldier’s eyes open, why [Name] was alive? What did that even mean?

“I know full well, but I’m her mother and you can’t take her away from me!”

“We can, and we will. Remember your place Diane, we gave you this offer and you knew full well the consequences of that offer before you accepted.”

“No, you’re lying. I didn’t know.. I didn’t know Hydra did this. If I had known..”

“If you had known then what? Would you have let her die? You know full well you couldn’t have afforded her medical treatment. We saved her life and therefore, per the agreement that, need I remind you, you agreed to, she is Hydra property. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have more important things to attend to.”

There’s only one pair of footsteps and the Winter Soldier watches as the man who Diane, the small one’s mother, was talking to exit without bothering to close the door. His blue eyes flickering to her form as she hunches her shoulders and covers her mouth, eyes glassy and she’s murmuring something into her hands. A brief moment passes before both hands are dropped and she glances around the room, at the equipment before her eyes land on his hidden form with the shadow of a corner, easily tucked away and missed and she gives a quiet start.

“It’s you,” She breathes out a sigh and presses a hand to her pounding heart before swallowing. “Did you.. did you hear all that?”

The Winter Soldier doesn’t reply to her and continues to stare which gives her the answer she needs and there’s a shuddering sigh that leaves her lips as she runs her hands down her face in an upset and stressed manner.

“I know.. I know I can’t force you to stay away from her if they won’t, but if I may- if there’s any shred of human decency or consciousness beyond their control, please, I’m begging you, please keep my daughter safe. I’m afraid.. I have put her in the most danger. Please.”

There’s no time for him to respond as the small pounding of feet become easily heard and Diane immediately clamps her mouth shut, rubbing away the stray tears and placing her hands on her hips. Smiling as her daughter bursts into the room, eyes squinted as she carefully observes the room.

“Hi, mommy.”

“Hi sweetheart, what are you doing running around?” Diane questions quietly, happy that her normally observant daughter has missed the bloodshot and glassy look of her eyes.

“I’m playing.”

“Playing what?”

There’s no time for [Name] to respond as her eyes land on his dark silhouette in the corner and she shrieks in delight.

“I found you!”

He wastes no time in crouching down and as if prompted by that cue [Name] bolts toward him with childish glee. Slamming her tiny form into his larger one that doesn’t even move a fraction at her small impact, and she’s easily scooped up by his metal arm and pressed to him as he steps out from the shadows. Her small hands cling to his top and she looks over his shoulder back at her mother and the Winter Soldier follows in suit, eyes landing on Diane.

“Bye mommy, we’re gonna go play some more!”

His blue eyes linger on hers for a second and watches as the eyes of the small girl’s mother flicker between the two of them before she gives a heartbreaking smile and lets out a quiet laugh that’s a half sob.

“Have fun sweetheart.”

He doesn’t say anything and looks forward again and continues out of the room, the small words of gratitude by Diane echoing quietly in the room.


	5. Remember me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kekek

His consciousness returns to screaming, the blurry edges and dark spots floating away as he opens his eyes to the ear piercing yet somehow heart-wrenching sound. Limbs bound down to the chair he was sitting in as nausea surges through and he resists the urge to groan, glancing between the people in white coats that bring a sense of dread and then finally to the small girl screaming and crying.

“Diane! If you cannot control your daughter then remove her.”

Diane, the women holding the screaming and crying child, who’s hands were desperately reaching out to him yanks her child back.

“I’m trying! [Name], honey please!”

“Winter!”

She’s familiar to him but he can’t place his finger on it, the small instinct that he’s supposed to do something about her crying is there but he doesn’t know who she is which prevents him from moving. Instead, he flicks his eyes back to the doctors who are fiddling with his left arm and he flexes his hand and watches the metal respond.

“Winter!”

“[Name], enough!”

There’s a loud smack that resonates through the room and he looks over as do all the others in the room as the screaming is immediately silenced and replaced with blubbering sobs. The girl holds her face as tears drip down over the slow reddening appears on her pale skin.

“He doesn’t remember you, you need to behave.”

[Name] drops to her knees, curling into herself and burying her head into her hands as her small sobs become louder, immediately scooped up into her mother's arms who sends him one last glance before she exits the room. Something tells him he knows the two of them, but he simply can’t recall where, or anything for that matter. Instead, he pushes the thought aside as those around him begin to explain things, and he listens carefully.

Only hours later does he return to his room, left arm aching and entire body sore as his head pounds loudly. The door to his room groans open and he stills his hand immediately going for the gun on his thigh but stops when he sees that it’s the same girl from before, she’s curled on what’s supposed to be his bed, plucking at the threads of the blanket.

“Please don’t tell mommy I’m here.”

Her voice is quiet and raw, and when she looks up he notices the red mark on her cheek as only darkened. He moves his hand away from the gun and instead steps into gently close the door behind him.

“Mommy says you don’t remember me anymore, is that true?” 

He doesn’t know what to say, and so he stands there awkwardly for a moment staring at the little girl on his bed who’s eyes turn glassy and tears drip down when he doesn’t answer. 

“Was I a bad friend? Is that why you wanted to forget?”

He moves more out of instinct than anything else as his mind blanks in response, how is he supposed to tell this little girl who knows him anything? Would she even understand? Instead, he seats himself on the bed across from hers, his blue eyes wander to the drawing on his bedside and the small drawing still remains there.

“I drew that for you, I’m sorry if you didn’t like it.”

She moves and sits on the edge of his bed and her head is down, but he can see the small wet spots on her pants to know she’s still crying. 

“I’m sorry,” He finally says and his throat is dry and his voice raw. She looks up at him with a start, he never talked much to her but when he did she always made sure to pay attention. His eyebrows furrow and he looks down at his hands.

“I don’t remember anything.”


	6. Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end of this little story, hope you're prepared.

It’s been three years since they last took him out of cryo, the only reason he knows this is due to the journal tucked beneath his bed. Filled with writings to explain what has happened during his absence, all written by a girl named [Name]. The only reference he has to who this person could possibly be is a worn photo folded between the pages, and he doesn’t dare bring it with him when they walk him around the facility. Doesn’t dare ask about the journal, instinct tells him it’s a secret and he needs to keep it that way, so he does.

“These are some of our newest agents, in training.”

His blue eyes flick to the people within the room and his metal hand folded inside his flesh one clenches tightly. They’re children, preteens, and _maybe_ the oldest was a teenager, but they were young and he bites the inside of his cheek. It doesn’t sit with him, nor does the resounding smack of flesh against flesh as one attacks the other, the red substance spits from their mouth and hits the ground at the same time the child does.

“[Name], you’re up.”

Blue eyes flick to the smallest of the group that steps forward. [Color] hair is tied back and there’s a darkening bruise under their left eye, and a cut on their lip that had previously been busted open and was still healing.

 _She’s eleven,_ His brain supplies as it recalls the entries of the journal, scribbled handwriting detailing this girl's life during his absence, the things he’s missed. Entries of days were missing, but the dried blood stains and tear marks on the following ones let him know the reason she hadn’t written any. Probably too tired, to beaten to drag herself down to his room and write in it. But there was a type of dedication to it, to this journal specifically for him. She’s written who he is, her best friend, his name, everything she’s gathered about him.

She asks him to play pretend that he doesn’t remember any of what she tells him in the journal, otherwise they’ll find it and take it away. He doesn’t want to not remember, so he says nothing.

There’s a resounding shout for the fighting to begin and he snaps his gaze back up to watch, [Name] is smaller, faster and more agile, but lacks the strength to take down the boy twice her size. So after back and forth when the boy lands a hard hit against her jaw and sends her to the ground, where she lays there he waits for them to call the match, but they don’t and his fists clench, glancing to the man in the lab coat beside him who is only watching with casual interest.

“Finish her.”

It’s a command and the Winter Soldier bites the inside of his lip, his entire body tense and he’s ready to move. Ready to intervene against the voice screaming ion his head not to move, but before he can the boy drops to one knee beside her. Obviously exhausted and his hands go to reach around her neck but she snaps her eyes open and like a coiled snake she reacts. Her legs snap around his outstretched arm, her hands grabbing onto his as her heel slams into the jugular of his throat and immediately he’s out. Coughing and choking and writhing to get out of her grip and clutch at his throat. She doesn’t relent as he thrashes, bringing her heel back once more and aims for his jaw and he goes still, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his body falls backward, limp.

She lets go finally, laying on the floor for a moment as if catching her breath before slowly pulling herself up, rubbing at the spot on her jaw that the kid had hit.

“Come,” The Winter Soldier follows the man into the room, watching all the children line up. Exhaustion obvious on their faces as they, like mini soldiers, all stand uniform in line with their hands behind their backs in a parade rest.

“This is The Winter Soldier,” The man in the lab coat begins and his blue eyes watch the scientist carefully. “He will be working with you for a little bit, do not disappoint.”

“Yes, sir.” It’s a uniform response and his blue eyes trail back over to [Name], who’s face is hard, furrowed eyebrows and downward tilt of her lips, but the second her [color] eyes meet his he watches the smile break out onto her face.

He doesn’t need the letter written and tucked away by her mother asking to protect her. Instinct already tells him by the way his shoulders relax a fraction at her obvious excitement at him, that he would do so anyway whether he remembered her fully or not.


	7. Fourteen I

_**Day 47XX  
** They started some weird treatments, said it was essential to my health. My mom seemed really unhappy about it._

_It’s really painful_

_**Day 47XX**  
The stuff they are giving me for treatments is making me really sick and in lots of pain, my mom said she’s gonna try and talk to them. That I’m healthy enough I don’t need treatments like I did as a kid anymore._

_**Day 47XX**  
They weren’t happy with my mom, I guess they are transferring her to another department at another location so she’ll stop interfering with the treatments. She seems really scared and it’s beginning to scare me._

_**Day 47XX**  
Mommy left today, she hugged me tight but didn’t take any of her things with her._

_I don’t think she’s coming back._

_**Day 49XX**  
I’ve sent my mom lots of letters but she hasn’t responded to any of them._

_I think I know what happened._

_**Day 50XX**  
The treatments really hurt, and they are so tiring. I’m sitting next to you while you’re sleeping in the cryo chamber, my right arm really hurts so I’m writing with my left, sorry for the mess._

_Do you dream when you’re in there? What do you dream about? Hopefully, it’s nicer than this place. I told one of the instructors today I wanted to be a hero, but they laughed at me and I got treated like I was being punished._

_**Day 50XX**  
They brought some new people in, they’re around my age and twins too. They’re really nice but the brother is really sick, his sister is worried that these treatments they are doing are going to kill him and I was afraid to lose my new friend so I did something I probably shouldn’t have.._

_**Day 50XX**  
They doubled up my treatments, they said if I wanted to cause a fuss I could take Jericho’s treatments as well until he was healthy enough to take them himself. Oh right, Jericho is the twin, his sister is Emilia they’re both really nice. Emilia gives me extras for lunch as thanks for taking over Jericho’s treatments, but I can’t really bring myself to stomach down my own lunch. I don’t tell them but lately, they don’t sit well and I’ve been throwing up what I eat. These treatments are painful._

_**Day 50XX**  
Jericho is better for the most part, so they’re going to place him on his own treatments now, but they said since I’m handling two so well they don’t wanna stop. I don’t know what they’re planning to do with this treatment but some of the others in my group have been going.. a little crazy. They’re seeing things, and now they’re being bound to their beds and the screaming doesn’t stop. It’s scary._

_Did they do this to you too?_

_**Day 50XX**  
I passed out during practice today, I don’t remember what happened but I woke up in the infirmary._

_**50XX**  
Some of the others from my group have.. died, from the treatment. They didn't allow us to hold a funeral, they just burned the bodies so at night we all said a little something about them, in hopes that they're not in pain anymore._

_**50XX**  
I passed out again, woke up in the infirmary bound to my bed. Apparently, I had been screaming and thrashing like some of the other kids who.. passed on._

_Am I dying?_

_**51XX**  
I’ve been feeling a bit better lately, it’s still hard to stomach food and they are monitoring my weight carefully now. Emilia and Jericho both give me half their portions in hopes I’ll pick up some weight but it’s so hard to eat. Do you get hungry in there? I hope not, the food here is terrible as it is._

_**51XX**  
I turn fourteen today, I’ve gotten news from one of the doctors that you’re going to be out of cryo soon, there’s some sort of emergency mission they need you on. But there’s also some worry that they’re going to pull you out too quickly. Your vitals have been fluctuating they said, and worried if they take you out now that you’ll suffer some.. setbacks, is all they would tell me._

_I’ve been feeling better lately, a lot better. I’ve put on weight and sometimes things feel like.. they’re in slow motion or are foreign to me. I knocked one of the others out cold during practice, which I think surprised everyone. Including myself. I don’t apparently know my own strength anymore, the doctors say I need to be a bit more careful. Is this from the treatment?_

_I’m going to talk with some of the higher ups tomorrow. Wish me luck!_


	8. Fourteen II

The journal feels heavy in his hands as he closes the cover, worn pages telling him a life story within Hydra’s walls. Partially his own, and most of a young girl who’s decided he was her best friend and wanted to fill him in on all the things he would miss. Each entry from beginning to end brings back memories, faded and distorted from tampering but in time he knows he will remember enough. The separate journal made by himself hidden within the air vent above the bed across from him, the entire night spent thumbing through that before reading the one by the young girl.

The book slides easily enough back under his mattress as the sound of footsteps outside his room becomes apparent, and he slides to his feet and meets them in the hallway. Several men some wearing suits, one was a guard in uniform and the rest were scientists, all easily identified by their white lab coats.

“Ah, Soldier.” The man leading the group speaks and blue eyes flick to him. “I’ve been briefed that there was some.. difficulty with your cryochamber and waking you up, so we’re going to keep you out of it for awhile. Make sure your vitals are well enough and that the chamber isn’t malfunctioning. In the meantime, we do still have some missions for you to take, and I’d like you to personally train some recruits.”

The man motions to follow and the Winter Soldier does as he’s told, stepping in stride with the man next to him, and a part of him wonders if these are the children he had to help train several years ago.

“We have some very promising talent, in fact, one of our recruits just came back from a mission.” He is grinning, and amusement fills his tone. “Of course, we hadn’t expected them to, but none the less they have proved themselves quite reliable.”

It ruled out the children, none of them were experienced enough to send out on the field and hope for a successful mission. The door slides open and they’re all lead through to the training facility where he supposed he was to meet those he was to train, they’d likely monitor him before sending him out on missions.

The suited man halts everyone in a one-way mirrored room, and the Winter Soldier freezes on the spot and his gaze shifts to the group beyond the mirror. His superior walks out into the room and the murmur of chat slowly begins to dwindle as blue eyes take in the recruits. Some looked fairly young while others looked older, but nothing struck him as familiar – a sea of faces that all blurred together and didn’t stick out. Their training outfits were even uniform which made it difficult to distinguish one of them, the men had a white shirt and gray sweat pants while the women had a white shirt and form fitting yoga pants that ended at their knees.

He focuses his gaze on one of the girls whose back is to the mirrored wall, a scar on her right calf, large and one he knew the looks of all too well, a bullet hole.

“[Name],” His superior speaks and the familiar name makes his eyes harden a fraction as he gazes through the crowd to pick her out but stops short when the girl with the scar on her leg turns around. There are the familiar features to the eight-year-old in the picture, but the resemblance to it was slowly beginning to fade out. Baby fat wasn’t prominent on her face anymore, instead, there were several scars, slivers, thin but ones that danced across the bridge of her nose and under her eye. “I wanted to personally congratulate you on your successful mission, I must say I’m quite impressed.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Her voice is monotone, [color] hair pulled back into a bun to keep it from her face as she stands straight, hands behind her back and head tilted up a fraction.

“To be honest, none of us expected you to come back. Or to survive when you did, you came back quite the mangled mess.” He laughs and the Winter Soldier knows it’s not praise, it’s reprimanding for getting hurt, for coming back like that at all.

“Dedicated to the cause, Sir.” She replies smoothly like the reprimand slid off her shoulders. The Winter Soldier has to keep his face passive, the little eight-year-old voice in his head reading outlines of the journal.

_I want to be a hero._

The rest of the conversation is a blur, picking up pieces of it, explanations of a new schedule and how he would be training some of them. They all had the rest of the day off, including himself and everything would resume tomorrow. Even when the director and his followers leave the mirrored room, recruits trailing out and giving him wide birth because they all remembered him, and his training.

It’s only when the last one doesn’t exit, instead, she stands at the door that he looks over at her. She’s a little taller now, and still, smiles at him when his gaze lands on her but it doesn’t reach her eyes quite like it used to and he looks down again.

“I’m sorry about your mother.”

It’s quiet, not to disturb or alert anyone and he can see in his peripheral the way her face falls.

“I’m just glad they didn’t wake you up as planned.” She rubs at her arm awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. There’s a type of tension between them that he doesn’t remember, and it makes him sick, uncomfortable in all different ways. Was she afraid of him now? Angry he couldn’t be there for her?

“Why?” Is all he can manage.

“Why what?” Her voice is soft, a contrast to the confident one prior when speaking to their superior.

“Why did you take the mission?”

Her eyes flick to his clenching metal hand and she looks away, placing one hand on the top of her head like she’s patting down stray strands of hair.

“Well, it was sort of a compromise,” She laughs and it’s forced, “They had been planning to wake you up for it. I.. I made them a deal.”

“A deal?” He looks up at her.

“Yeah, I would leave earlier than what they had specified to wake you up and send you on the mission, and if I could complete it then they wouldn’t try to force you awake while your vitals and cryo were still on the fritz. That way you wouldn’t have any.. setbacks.” Her hand drags down her head to the back of her neck and she can’t look him in the eyes.

“Why would you do that?”

“And let them wake you up with potential effects that could have killed you? What was I supposed to do?”

“You could have died.”

“I didn’t.”

“What would your mother think?”

“My mother is dead.”

He stills and she finally looks over at him, her eyes are pink, glassy as tears well in her eyes and his chest sinks down into his stomach and he looks away.

“I couldn’t lose you too.”

Her voice cracks and he can hear her sniffle, and her hands move up to rub at her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Her feet are much quieter than when she was a child, barely heard as she slams herself into him. He stills as her arms wrap around him and her face buried into his vest, her shoulders tremble and he knows she’s doing her best not to cry. Blue eyes glancing toward the door before his arms wrap around her.

“I’m sorry.”

Her lips part and she cracks a sob, and his heart sinks.


	9. Fourteen III

She doesn’t sleep, not like she used to as a child and he has to remember to stop comparing her to the eight-year-old he once knew. She was fourteen now, had seen more things than a young teen her age probably should have, and her hands were stained with blood now. Hydra considered her an adult, and likely if she ever was caught she would be persecuted as one for her crimes, it makes him slightly sick to his stomach – but not as much as watching her lay there.

His shift ended a little bit ago, and when he returned to his room the twins had been standing outside looking rather nervous. As all the children he trained then and now did, shifting despite how the boy was at fourteen, almost as tall and big as he was thanks to the serums that they had given the group. Nervous twitching from the two but they had the best intentions.

_Thrashes in her sleep._

_Screams._

They had explained it had to do with the new treatments they were giving to her, something he hadn’t known about, wasn’t mentioned in the journal. They had decided since she could handle twice the serum treatment that perhaps she could handle some of their new testings as well, and from what the twins were saying it was taking its toll as the serum once had.

So he sits in silence with his back propped up against the metal wall and one leg pulled to his chest for his metal arm to rest on. He had checked the journal quietly to see if maybe he had missed something about new treatments but there was nothing, but the twins said it had to do with the tesseract. The glowing cube that had been briefly mentioned when discussing and showing him around.

The vivid blue glow seared into the back of his eyelids, the same blue that he watched her eyes turn when they fluttered open. She was still asleep, but whatever the tesseract was doing to her was affecting her body, her hands clung to the edge of the bed like a lifeline and her chest moved rapidly and heavily with each ragged breath.

She gasps loud and painful, back arching and the glow to her eyes fades away for the briefest of moments as sleep eludes her and she blinks rapidly. Turning her head to look over at him and the glow of the moon shows the sweat on her forehead and his metal hand slowly curls into a clenched fist and he sets his jaw.

“Winter,” Her voice is dry and she swallows down, attempting to gather some saliva into her mouth.

“Why did you let them?”

She stares blankly back at him like she’s trying to sift through a thick fog of her own mind before she slowly pulls herself up and hands her legs over the side of the bed.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

She hunches over with her elbows on her knees and places her head in her hands, shoulders shuddering with a sigh.

“What are they expecting?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does it hurt?”

She slowly looks up at him, the shadow of her hair covering her eyes and in the dark, he wouldn’t have been able to see her eyes if they hadn’t been glowing. The same eerie blue that the cube locked away in the room had, and he suddenly knew why there was a chair with binds beside it, that was where she sat when they did these experiments.

“It’s like,” She drops her hands away from her face, staring down at them. “It’s like I’m becoming someone different.”

His stomach clenches and he can feel the strain of his jaw, he knew that feeling. Knew what it was like, to take a back seat watching as your body moved and did things you didn’t want it to and the more you struggled the stronger it held you back.

“There are.. voices, inside of it. I hear them now even when I’m not near the tesseract, they’re faint, quiet, but they are there. It used to just be me inside my own head but now I’m not so sure anymore.” She looks up at him, and he can still see the faded glow of her eyes.

“I hear it in my dreams, I hear it when I’m awake. It’s overwhelming sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt. It feels like.. you’re fading away, further and further.” She gives a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through her hair. “I sometimes wonder where it ends and I begin, and if.. if it’ll just devour me.”

He shifts, moving to the edge of the bed as well, his feet planted firmly on the ground as she looks up at him just in time for him to press his forehead to hers.

“You are stronger than that.”

She gives a bitter laugh, it sounds awful to his ears because he can hear the fear.

“Sometimes I wonder about that.” Her voice is shaking, swallowing down the lump in her throat as she looks everywhere but in his eyes.

“I will protect you.”

She inhales sharply and finally looks at him, and he can see the flickering in her eyes, the blue that illuminated them in the dark like a flame beneath the surface.

“But I wanted to be your hero.”

His heart sinks as his metal arm finds its way to the back of her neck and he closes his eyes and presses their foreheads closer. 


	10. Devour Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend listening to [Walk Through the Fire by Zayde Wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIdJi5IE0P0) when reading this. If you're looking for some extra feels.
> 
> On another note I should probably update the summary to reflect the story a bit more, maybe next chapter.

He wakes to frantic pounding on his door, muffled cries and pleas for him to answer. The gun is already in hand when he opens the door, cold blue eyes staring down at the female twin – Emilia – his brain supplies and she’s crying.

_Please-_

_It’s [Name] –_

_They’re going to shoot her if you don’t stop her_

He stills, eyes wide and it’s the only prompt that Emilia needs before she’s already darting down the hallway and he doesn’t waste a moment as he follows after her. The heavy stomping of footsteps echoing through the halls as he’s lead closer and closer to the room that held the tesseract, and his stomach sinks lower with each step.

The other twin is pressed against the outside of the door, his hands covering his face and when he hears their approaching footsteps he drops them, his eyes are tinted red with tears. The Winter Soldier, the trainer in him wants to reprimand him that showing emotion like that was going to get him in a worse situation but the words die before they can come out to a frantic and pained scream from within. It’s ear shattering, vibrates off the walls and Emilia and the Jericho both cover their ears, crouching down to drown it out.

 _It’s not human,_ his first thoughts at the scream that makes him cringe, that he’s sure if he were any closer would rupture his eardrums. A pained cry, distorted and warped in sound, and he wonders what exactly they’re attempting to do, attempting to _create_ behind the door and he isn’t prepared for what he sees when the scream ends and Jericho throws the door open.

He feels as cold as his namesake with feet glued to one spot as he watches the familiar person thrash around the room. The tesseract reacts with every outburst, a strong burst of glowing blue energy that pulses around the room, and he has to step out of the way of a fleeing scientist who makes a break for it as the door opens. They don’t get very far, Jericho is grabbing them with a fierce look in his eye – gargled words hit the Winter Soldier but he can’t make them out, his focus is entirely on the [Name].

_If we let him go he’ll report to superiors!_

_We can’t just kill him! They’ll kill us for doing so!_

_He’ll turn [Name] in!_

Their arguing is short because [Name] hears it and she turns around and the Winter Soldier catches his breath. The blue of her eyes is glowing, fierce, like flames that spilled from her eyes and her mouth is twisted into a snarl and her hand reaches out. Like an extension of her being the blue erupts from her being and toward the fleeing scientist begging for his life, and the second it touches the man, Jericho lets him go like he’s been burned.

It drags the scientist away from Jericho, away from them all and closer to [Name] who’s seething such anger and he’s frozen in place. What could he do?

**_“You wanted this power from us so take it!”_ **

The Winter Soldier can hear it in her voice, it’s not [Name] but something else. Like a thousand voices spilling from her lips rather than the quiet voice he was used to, and he can’t help but remember the words she spoke last night.

_It’s like I’m becoming someone different._

_It used to just be me inside my own head but now I’m not so sure anymore._

_I sometimes wonder where it ends and I begin, and if.. if it’ll just devour me._

He moves before he really knows what to do, ignoring the bodies that scattered the room and the small feeling of _good they deserved it_ is replaced with _what kind of punishment will she receive for this_? He knows he has to stop it, he doesn’t know how but that doesn’t keep him back.

She’s choking the scientist, gagging and gurgling for breath and attempting to pry himself free. The blue surrounds him, keeps him up for her to continue to strangle and his metal hand reaches for her shoulder, turns her around and she drops the man, ready to lash out at him but stills when he presses his forehead to hers.

“You are stronger than this.”

There’s a wild look in her eyes, and he realizes it’s not her so much as what lies within the tesseract spilling out. Her hand twitches, outstretched ready to strangle him like she was the gagging and wheezing scientist behind them.

**_“They wanted this!”_ **

A thousand voices spill from her lips, all angry and his stomach clenches and his eyes close as he presses both hands to either side of her face.

“But you don’t.”

He can feel it, like a physical presence in the room slowly fading away and in its place a small hiccup before the hands that wanted to hurt wrap around his neck to pull him closer to her. His blue eyes meet her normal [color] ones, the red against the white of her eyes as tears build up and drip down.

“I’m scared.”

His heart clenches and his hands move, and he picks her up like the eight-year-old she once was, and she clings to him and buries her head into his shoulder.

Jericho and Emilia step out of the way, neither saying a word as the Winter Soldier stops beside them, his face is hard and he sends the two of them a look.

“Kill them.”

He watches their faces harden, and they disappear from his sight and the door to the room with the tesseract shuts softly. It’s only a few minutes before the strangled cry of the one scientist makes its way to his ears and a sense of satisfaction wells within him before he walks away with the fourteen-year-old-girl clinging to him as tightly as he clung to her.


	11. Who Am I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm hoping people like this story? I appreciate all the kudos but I question if I'm going in the right direction lol.

He stands there quietly, a mixture of emotions welling within that make him uneasy. The chair that takes away his memories is to his left, it brings a sense of dread that seeps through his clothes and into his skin. To his right he watches her standing there flanked by the twins who were practically makeshift bodyguards to her. Her hand twitches at the same time her head jerks to the side and he clenches his jaw tight, watching as she raises one hand up to rub at her ear.

_They don’t go away, they’re so loud._

His metal hand folded before him clenches tightly to a fist and he looks away. She had developed tell-tale signs for when the voices as she called them, became too loud. Twitching of her hands, a jerking of her head like someone has shouted in her ear and she has to flinch away until eventually, she rubs at her ears as if that will cast out the booming voices.

_Am I even the same person I was? Where do I begin and where do they end? I can’t see the line anymore._

“They cryo chamber had some.. interesting malfunctions wrong with it. Fortunately it’s been fixed, unfortunately, some of our scientists have experienced a.. mishap with the tesseract and lost their lives to it.”

No one moves, flinches, or even gives a sign that they knew. The twins were steely faced, standing at their parade rest and [Name] was unfocused like she wasn’t even hearing their superior, to begin with, one hand rubbing absently at her right ear.

“Regardless, now that cryo chamber has been fixed, we’ll be placing you back inside until your time is needed again.”

The Winter Solider can feel his heart seize as his eyes trail up to meet his superior in the eyes, but he catches her movement in his peripheral and his breath catches in his throat. The soft glow of her eyes when she hears what they plan to do, he can see it clearly like she’s standing in front of him and his heart pounds within his chest. There’s a look of fear on her face, her hand drops away from her ear and she wants to move forward but she’s rooted in place.

**_They’ll take him away from us_ **

[Name] flinches, the voices so loud and she resists the urge to rub at her ear again as a scientist takes note of her behavior. It doesn’t take any prompting from the twins to take a step forward so she can ease back and out of their line of sight.

**_Do not fear us_ **

Biting her lip she twitches again, noticing that the Winter Soldier is glancing at her movement. Knowing that she is hearing the voices and unable to do anything about it, the tense set of his jaw and the minuscule movement of his metal arm as it compensates for his clenched fist.

**_We can save him_ **

Where did the lines end? Where was she in this mess inside her head? Where did her wants and desires merge with theirs? It was like looking at an abstract painting where everything blurred together, there was no clear ending to it and there was no clear ending to _her_ and _them_. Whoever they were, inside the tesseract, inside of her head.

**_Do you want him to forget?!_ **

She flinches at the volume, screwing her eyes shut and unwillingly bringing her hands to her ears.

_Of course not_

Was she talking to herself?

**_Let us save him_ **

There’s no resisting it, like fighting off a tsunami that sweeps her under she’s no longer in control of her body and when she opens her eyes again they glow a feral blue. The twins beside her tense, ready for action, ready to move if necessary but she’s not paying any attention to them. Those eerie flame lit eyes are focused not on the Winter Soldier watching her, no just the scientist watching him.

_Badum_

She can hear his heartbeat, the steady pulse of the man strapping down the Soldier, her family, to the chair to take everything away from her and a rage builds up within her.

_Badum_   
_Badum_

The scientist stills, coughing once and looking away as he does so. An apology on his lips as he goes to strap down the Winter Soldier’s other arm.

_Badum_   
_Badum_   
_Badum_   
_Badum_

His hand clutches his chest once and the Winter Soldier watches him carefully, watching them screw their eyes shut and he freezes when they open up again. A familiar blue glow behind the eyes of the scientist, the white of their eyes very slowly bleeding red as blood vessels burst.

“Is there something wrong, Doctor?”

They move mechanically, a smile on their face that doesn’t match the man but rather a girl he knew.

“Nothing, Sir.”

“Then hurry it up, we don’t have all day.”

“Yes, Sir.”

The man leans in close, pushing the Soldier’s head back and he can hear it. A thousand voices slipping past their lips and he nearly seizes in place at the wicked smile on the man's face.

**_“Can you pretend this hurts?”_ **

His eyes are wide, hands clenching the armrests tightly and his blue eyes flick over to her form, still as a statue, as she focuses on the scientist who pushes his head back and into the machine. His heart thumps wildly against his rib-cage, but the monitor is still as if he wasn’t on the verge of panicking. The smile doesn’t leave the scientists face who brings up one finger to their lips to quiet them before pulling away and moving to the computer.

“Ready, Sir.”

“Good, wipe him and put him back in cryo. After come see me, I have some things that need to be discussed.”

“Yes, Sir.”

There’s the click on the monitor and the Winter Soldier can see the machine slowly lower against him and he seizes involuntary, his heart hammering in his chest and hands clenching the armrests as he prepares for the pain. The lever in his peripheral is pulled and he clenches down on the mouth piece but none of the pain comes, and his eyes fly open, confused, and the footsteps of their superior stops to look back.

“Is something wrong?”

The scientist is still smiling, he can see it from the corner of his eye even with his head held back, and the blue behind their eyes flicks and suddenly everything snaps into place.

“No, I assure you it’s working. Our soldier just seems to have grown a high pain tolerance.”

Like a cue given he muffles a scream against the mouthpiece and seemingly satisfied their Superior turns away. The blue jumps away from his eyes and the scientist blinks rapidly for a moment like he’s not sure where he is before another muffled scream from the Soldier brings him crashing back to reality as they rush over and turn the machine off.

He’s pulled from his spot by two guards and dragged toward his cryo chamber that they fumble to attach him to as he allows himself to be dead weight in their arms. His blue eyes concentrated on [Name], but the blue flickering in her eyes reminds him that no, it’s not her, it’s them.

_I sometimes wonder where it ends and I begin, and if.. if it’ll just devour me._

Whoever they are, he can’t help the sense of dread that clenches his stomach tight as he continues to watch the blue flicker and slow curve of a smile on her face but he knows it’s not her. The cryo chamber door slowly closes, leaving only the window for those to see in and for him to see out as the temperature begins to drop and a fear begins to clutch him tightly.

Who would be behind those eyes when he woke up next?


	12. Debt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy/Merry everyone! If you don't celebrate, hope your Sunday was well.
> 
> **We are at the last few chapters to this story. The next one should be the last and perhaps an epilogue. Hopefully, you enjoyed this.**

He can see the trail of her hair in the darkness, long strands of [color] hair that leave a trail behind her. Like a paintbrush leaving a streak across the black canvas, but when she turns away she’s older, eleven years old. When she starts to run she’s fourteen, and she’s running toward the voices, the thousands of voices and thousands of hands all that same glowing blue that reminded him of the tesseract. She doesn’t make a sound, but he’s frantic to grab her, pull her away from the blue outstretched hands eager to take her. He’s frozen in place, though, stuck in the same spot and forced to watch as she’s older, turning around to face him with the hands all holding onto her. The smile on her face doesn’t seem like hers, and her [color] eyes are now a glowing eerie blue that’s not her, to match the smile that isn’t hers either. He watches terrified as the hands pull her away, one hand reaches atop of her head, grabbing a fistful of her hair and a scream wants to come out but his lips won’t move. Instead, he’s silent as the hand yanks her head back into the darkness and the rest of her body falls into it.

A strangled and painful gasp rips through his raw throat and his eyes flutter open. Disorientated by everything around him at first, his lower lip trembles as his body slowly begins to register the temperature he’s in.

_..Waking!_

The ice across the window melts slowly and he stares at the two familiar faces watching him through it. Though they are older now, he’s not sure how old. But he remembers them well, remembers them as the twins who followed [Name] around. Jericho looked much older, much rougher with a rugged five o’clock shadow on his face and dark bags beneath his eyes. A scar crossed over his left eyebrow and thin sliver on the bridge of his nose. His twin wasn’t so fortunate, though, her scar was large like a four pointed star tilted and right between her eyes across her nose. The skin looked tender but something told him this hadn’t been a recent one, it wasn’t a bright and angry red to a freshly healing wound, but lighter because it was mostly scar tissue. Her lip also had a sliver of a scar going up across it like someone had tricked her into getting too close and went to go for the eye but nicked her lip when she yanked away.

The door cracks like ice breaking and finally, the seal is released and the stagnant air is suddenly replaced by fresh. The relief is short lived when the loud explosion nearly knocks the door to the room off its hinges. He’s taking in large gasps like he’s been starved of oxygen and the binds that hold him in place let go, the dropping feeling in his stomach when he still hadn’t gained any mobility back to catch himself. Instead, the twins catch him easily and lift him to his feet like he weighs nothing, turning to the exit that was licked in flames and guards bearing the hydra symbol all frozen in place.

He can manage to tilt his head and to look up at the faces of the soldiers frozen in place and his stomach clenches and his heart aches when he sees the blue glowing in them. The fear only increases not for himself but for what that eerie blue brings when he watches [Name] step into his line of sight and toward the armed soldiers. She’s not as tall as the twins, but she holds her back straight and her head high, and there’s a confidence in her voice when she speaks. Underneath it, though, he can hear the small traces of sadness and her hand is reaching out and the blue flame of manifested tesseract responds and sits in her hand.

“How many of you know?”

It’s not an order but when she looks at the soldiers they are struggling to refrain from answering.

“Who knows and how many?”

“They are coming.” Is the only response from one soldier who struggles against the blue that creeps up his form like a slithering snake.

He doesn’t see [Name]’s expression, but watches her crush the blue flickering flame in her hand and like a cue taken the soldiers lift up their respective guns at each other and fire. The resounding bang and blood splatters across the walls and across her uniform and she turns to them, and he can see her clearly.

Long [color] hair and there is no blue behind her eyes but she’s not really looking at them, it’s almost as if she’s looking through them. That brings him no sense of comfort as her expression turns, a sadness dances across her expression.

“You know what we have to do, right?”

He can hear confirmation from the twins beside him, and he’s unsure of any details but he’s being dragged forward. His feet struggling to keep up, one foot lifted and he’s stumbling to keep the pace, but even with his weight jerking as he tries to walk the twins manage to hold him easily. He feels and seems like he weighs nothing to them, and he is dragged past [Name], blue eyes glancing at her and she gives a soft smile that breaks his heart.

The moment they take a step outside the room the lights are off and a red one fills up the room with an eerie glow followed by a low siren. The sound grows louder and soon he can hear the thundering of footsteps.

“Move!”

Jericho, the only male familiar voice that registers to him and suddenly the twins have him hefted only centimeters off the ground, enough to break into a run. An explosion to their right in a passing hallway has flames licking at them but before it can touch them he can see from his peripheral the blue of the tesseract stops it. Like a barrier springing forth and keeping it at bay, but the heat roars against the barrier and the explosion sends his ears ringing and vision spins. Another explosion that never makes an impact on them disorients his failing senses and he resists the urge to vomit, thankful there is nothing in his stomach to release anyway.

They turn down another corridor, feet stomping and he can faintly hear the bullets hailing against the metal walls beside them. Panic sets in and adrenaline flushes his system but only serves to mess him up more as his vision dips into darkness, and the once moving image becomes a set of still frames. One frame after another as his brain attempts to keep up with all the overload and then it finally takes him fully and he curses inside his mind when his body goes limp and everything is plunged back into darkness.

Cold, frigid, freezing air wakes him up with a start. Blue eyes flying open and he manages to plant both feet on the ground into a run as instinct takes over, and the roar of noise is the spinning blades of the already running helicopter as double doors are thrown open. He was still being dragged around as if he weighed nothing by the twins, another explosion rocks behind them and another set of gunfire. He’s hastily thrown into the copter and dragged in by Jericho who easily enough lifts him into a seat and kneels down to buckle him in place.

Emilia screams and the two of them jerk, Jericho is up on his feet and outside the copter and the Winter Soldier thrashes against the buckle but when he sees why she screamed his heart stills and his body goes numb.

He watches, horrified, as the blood drips from [Name]’s lips, as the bullet that hit her from the back, passes through her front. Her eyes are wide, filled with surprise as she loses her momentum and crashes to her knees, one hand automatically flying toward the open wound on her right side. Blood drips past her fingers in rivets and his mind is screaming for him to move but he can’t, his entire body feels paralyzed at the sight.

He’s can’t believe the despair that eats him up from the inside when [Name] tilts her head up, the glowing blue in her eyes. Edges of ember glowing blue in her eyes and the two guards that rush past her immediately halt, the blue reaching their eyes as they turn around and begin to open fire at the rest of their comrades. She sinks to her side, clutching at her wound and gasping but there’s enough fire in her system, enough _anger_ provoked and provided by the thousands of voices and hands that pulled her into the darkness to keep her going. The two men stop the twins short when they grab the handles of the double doors and slam it closed in front of them, refusing to allow them entry.

Emilia’s screaming is a terrifying and heartbreaking thing to hear, sobs in between shouts as Jericho grabs her and forces her back to the helicopter. The Winter Soldier regaining some semblance of feeling.

“No-” He starts, the words stumbling and slurring past his lips as the two of them immediately get into the cockpit. “You have to save her!” He’s desperate, his voice is scratchy and raw from being so unused but they aren’t listening, instead the helicopter jerks roughly off the launching pad and into the air. Emilia is focused on grabbing headphones for communication, handing one to Jericho and placing on on herself before moving out of her seat to the back where he was to place a pair on him. There is a red to her eyes, and tears dripping down her face, but she manages to keep her face impassive and the anger at them leaving [Name] dies on his lips. The headphones are placed gently onto his head, the microphone adjusted to allow him to speak while his body continued to recover from cryostasis.

It’s hours before he can gather the strength to question them, and there’s only the low whirring of the blades mostly canceled by the headphones that accompany his desperate question.

“We made a promise,” Emilia speaks.

It’s the only answer he gets, and the only question he asks for the duration of the ride. He doesn’t ask where they are taking him, why they had done it, his mind spins with the questions but he hunches over. His elbows rested on his knees and he presses his flesh hand together with his metal one, brows furrowed and his lower lip pressed between his teeth hard enough to draw blood.

Eventually, Emilia and Jericho swap control over the helicopter and despite his best attempts to keep the tides of fatigue away, he succumbs to sleep. Nightmares plague him and he’s only woken up by a soft tap on his shoulders and he’s upright, alert, and panting slightly.

“We’re here,” Jericho says, his hand slamming on the button that opens up the back of the helicopter as Emilia helps him from his seat. His metal arm around her shoulders as she heaves him into a standing position and he’s briefly confused at where exactly they are. The wind hits him first, bringing a scent of autumn and freshly cut grass that eases away the tension, but it all comes rushing back when the people are rushing out to greet the helicopter. All armed which tells him wherever they are, they were not expected.

“Who the hell are you people? This is private property.” Tony’s agitated voice draws the attention of blue eyes, but it’s the next voice that triggers memories and makes him realize exactly what had been done.

“Bucky?”

His blue eyes meet the ones of his best friend and his stomach clenches tight and his lips purse. Emilia prompts him to walk forward and he half walks, half hobbles with her help, Jericho is gathering things off a seat off to the side. Confusion, muttering, all of it presses harshly against his ears but he manages to figure it all out.

“Here’s documents.”

“Of what?” Steve asks taking the folder from Jericho’s hands.

“Of Hydra, some of their biggest bases, and most of their technology and plans.”

“Where did you get it?” Steve’s voice is baffled, and Tony’s chimes in, distrusting.

“And how do we know we can believe you?”

Jericho and Emilia both shift in their spot, and it’s Emilia who lifts her head up high and speaks.

“Because we were instructed by our closest friend to rescue your best friend and bring him here.”

“And you just went with it? Without thinking of consequences?”

“We are aware you may lock us up, or worse. But it’s a debt we have to- _want to_ repay, and it was the only thing she ever asked of us.”

“Who asked?”

“[Name].”


	13. Follow You Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue next. Thanks for sticking around. Hope you liked it.

# Three years later

“Hey Buck, you’ve got mail.”

“Me?”

Bucky sets his toast down and meets Steve halfway, plucking the outstretched letter and looking at the return address but finding none. Turning it over a couple times he looks back up when Pietro suddenly appears into the room, eyes partially narrowed. An expression typically wore when he was thinking of something that wasn’t adding up and Bucky ignored it in favor of walking back over to his breakfast and carefully plucking at the envelope to carefully pull it open.

“Has anyone seen the twins?” Natasha asks from her spot atop of the banister, a screwed up expression on her face and Steve looks over after setting the mail onto the counter. Occupying himself with getting himself some coffee.

“Which pair? We have two.”

“We might as well be collecting twins if we get anymore,” Tony says with a roll of his eyes as he walks in, plucking through the mail before deeming it all junk and sliding it away from him.

“I just checked their room, it’s empty,” Pietro says and Natasha and Steve share a look and Tony’s face scrunches up in a confused one.

“Just now?”

“No, yes? Like, five seconds ago.”

“So what if they aren’t there, probably went into town to get something,” Tony says with a shrug, moving to steal something off of Steve’s plate who pulls it away with a look.

“But their room is empty.”

“That’s what happens when you leave a room.”

“No, I mean. Empty, empty. Like, all their stuff is gone. Bed is made like they never stayed there.” Pietro says and that makes everyone snap to attention, Steve, Natasha, Tony and Pietro all rushing back down to the room where Emilia and Jericho had made themselves home for the past couple years.

“Where could they have gone?” Wanda asks peeking into the empty room and watching as Bucky slowly walked up the stairs. The letter he had opened still in his hand, his eyes glued to the paper.

“They went home.” He finally speaks, stopping at the front entrance to the now empty room and a room full of puzzled expression greets him.

“Home?” Steve asks, confused and slightly concerned.

“Last we know, their home was _Hydra_.” Tony’s voice says, very seriously and a stern expression. But Bucky doesn’t say anything, his eyes going back to the paper in his hand.

“No, not to Hydra. Not.. not a physical home either.”

He hears Tony mention something about tracking them down as he rushes out the door but he knows that Tony won’t find them. No matter what he tried, he would come up empty handed, and he knew why it all made sense. There was a relief in him like he had been holding his breath for far too long and could finally come up for air.

The papers in his hand contained hand-drawn pictures with pencil and charcoal. Pictures of a star across a vast sky and the moon beside it, pictures of [Name], him, and the twins altogether – much older but together. And the last..

The burnt and frayed edges of the eight-year-old drawing of him and [Name] holding hands. The same one that once made its home on the nightstand in his room within Hydra, but at the bottom in a handwriting he could only feel fit perfectly was:

_I thought I was lost for awhile, but I followed the brightest star in the sky and it lead me home._

_Thank you for guiding me all these years._

_\- The Moon_


	14. Home [End]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, this is the end. Hope you enjoyed, please review if you liked it!

This wasn’t how the infiltration was supposed to go, a lot of the intelligence they had on the hydra base had been misleading. Which that in itself revealed a mole within their own informant source. Tony, who had been livid about receiving a message that information was wrong had immediately set about at finding the mole. But that didn’t help their current predicament, Steve was somewhere else in the facility having been swarmed and separated by.. things. Bucky didn’t quite know what to call them other than failed experiments is what Clint and Pietro were calling them.

Wanda, Natasha, Tony and Bruce were all on their own mission elsewhere, leaving the group to improvise on how to get through the heavily fortified building out in the mountains. The freezing temperatures made his joints ache and the fusion of his metal arm and his body was beginning to ache painfully from the cold. Maybe he could bring it up to someone once they were safe back at home to see if anything could be done to ease the way temperature affected how much his body recognized the foreign equipment at its base.

“Bu-...ck.”

The static of his earpiece startled him out of his own thoughts, flexing his arm from the cramped position he was in. A glance out the large window told him that they had unfortunately spent the night here avoiding and trying to contain whatever was going on inside this building. They had done nasty experiments here with the tesseract in their hands. It made his stomach churn. The familiar blue outlined a lot of them and brought back familiar memories of another important person who he knew had been exposed to, outside of the twins.

There appeared to have been a lot of setbacks before getting success like the twins had received. It made him nervous, scared, and a bit sick to his stomach when he thought about it when he thought about [Name]. Did she succumb to this? It had been several years since the twins had disappeared and he received the letter filled with artwork that lined his bedroom walls.

She was twenty-six now if she was still alive.

He swallowed a lump, shaking his head at the thought. He didn’t tell anyone but he went out on her birthday, the date marked in the diary she had written and he still had. Each year he bought a cupcake of different flavors and ate it after thinking about the years. How was she?

“Buck, can you hear me?”

The static faded and Bucky cleared his throat once, placing a hand to the mic.

“All clear now.”

“Thank god, but I got some bad news. Most of whatever has happened here have retreated down to the lower basement floors. I’m not sure how many levels there are but I’ve received word that there are still signatures below. Not just the creatures but actual people.”

“Are they still performing experiments?” 

“Not sure, they could be trying to salvage or produce a counter attack. Be on your guard, we’re going to be going down.”

“Roger.”

The line cut off and Bucky adjusted himself from his position on a banister beam. Having played a sniping role for a good majority of yesterday's events before deciding that they couldn’t reach him where he was anyway, and settled for the night. Luck had been on his side that he hadn’t rolled off the couple times he caught himself dozing, and forgetting where he was. With new information and commands, Bucky hefted his gun onto his shoulder securing the strap before hopping down, planning to meet everyone at the basement entrance.

* * *

This was worse than he thought than he could have imagined. The glow of the tesseract reacted to everything, all the creatures and people within the room. It was a mad house of monsters was the only way to put it, he was running out of ammo and he desperately didn’t want to keep doing this. The blue in their eyes whenever he caught them struck a chord that made him sick and reluctant to pull the trigger. A couple times Steve had to be the one to do it, throwing him a concerned glance that Bucky was all but happy to ignore.

“I hate to break it to you guys,” Clint said, saddling up next to the trio, ragged and panting. “But I’m out of arrows.”

“And I’m running out of stamina.” Pietro wheezed from his crouched position, hands on his knees as he continued to gather air into his lungs. 

A look from Steve and Bucky sighed, pulling down the gun chamber and showing he only had a few bullets left.

“We hadn’t expected this.”

“We should retreat-”

“And give them time to relocate or hide?” Steve said, disbelief coloring his tone.

“Look, Captain,” Pietro said finally enough air to speak properly. “Tony even said so himself, it’s gonna take him a day to get here. We can’t hold out.”

“We can bar the doors and retreat outside, gather our energy, maybe make some traps-” Clint started, hoping to ease any tension and bring solutions to the table when the ground cracked and the blue substance shined through.

“Or we can run.”

The first explosion had taken them off guard, throwing them all off their feet and this one was no exception with the second wave of blue glowing and pulsing energy tracing the cracks in the ground toward them. The first time they had been far enough that they only caught the waves of it and managed to avoid destruction. Now? They were in the heart of it, and there was no escaping it.

An alarming look crossed Steve’s face that he shared with everyone, no command could be given as the screeching of the explosion filled the surrounding hallways like a countdown before it reached the one they were tucked away in.

“Guys-”

The explosion rocked the walls beside them, drowning out noise and Bucky couldn’t stop himself from turning around and facing the rapidly approaching blue that would spell their demise. His hands instinctively rising to cover his face, to block away the blinding light from it, cringing hard.

Silence followed.

“Are we dead?” Pietro croaked out, unwilling to drop his arms to find themselves in some afterlife.

“I don’t think so?” Clint said, and Bucky slowly dropped his arms away from his face. The rest following in suit to stare at their surroundings in the same bewildering confusion he could feel. The entire place was like a frozen picture, things were still thrown in the air, the fire that licked at the walls was frozen in place. Pieces of debris and equipment were all frozen in mid-air. 

He was afraid to breathe, afraid whatever stopped everything and spared them would come undone. The silence was deafening, it made his ears hurt. Like standing alone in the middle of a desert, it was in its own way deafening to hear absolutely nothing.

Save for the slow crunch of footsteps against the scattered debris.

Everyone slowly moved, like breaking away the spell that froze them as well and raised their weapons. Pietro ready to run and Clint peeked over the makeshift barricade. 

Bucky could feel the gun slip from his hand when he saw her, taller than he remembered. [Color] hair dipped down to her waist as she walked forward and toward the center where the tesseract remained frozen. Her eyes lifting up to where the group of four was standing, a smile brushing across her face and the blue within her eyes glowed brightly.

“I made it.”

He took one step forward, Steve immediately throwing a hand out to stop him. But he didn’t know her, didn’t know her like Bucky did and he couldn’t stop his stunned walk into a full out run. Only when he stood before her and his arms wrapped around her delicate waist, lifting her up into the air. 

“[Name].”

The blue flicked behind her eyes brightly and she laughed as he swung her around once. Her own arms gently curling around his neck to hug him tightly. His flesh hand pressed to the back of her head, hands fumbling with her hair.

She was real. She was here before him, alive, and not a monstrosity like he had been fighting. And most of all she looked healthy.

“What are you doing here?” Instinct made it difficult to let her go, but he reluctantly set her down and she looked back. Emilia and Jericho emerging from the shadows, their faces were softer, less hard than he remembered. Like time returned with [Name] had softened them again, made them whole.

He somehow knew how that felt with her in front of him.

“Making sure you don’t die, again,” Jericho added with a smirk and Bucky couldn’t help but shoot him a look which only made Emilia laugh, light-hearted and echoing through the silence.

“I could feel the tesseract,” Bucky could feel his breath still when she spoke. “It called to me.” Her eyes glowed fiercely like the blue within the cube. Outstretching one hand to hover over the cube and as she clenched her open hand into a fist, the blue that illuminated the entire area disappeared back into it. Pulsing beneath her fingertips as she picked it up gently.

“I was coming home.”

There was fear in his face, home to Hydra? Why else would she be here?

“After all, what’s the moon without its stars?” There was a sense of warmth that filled up his chest, almost made his eyes want to water. “That is if I’m allowed.” She glanced behind him and he followed suit, staring at the three men who were watching with raised eyebrows. But Steve was smiling.

“Hey, anyone who saves us, and has that kind of entrance. I’m willing to listen.”

Bucky looked back to see the bright smile on her face, and he couldn’t prevent the tug that crossed his. 

Home. It suddenly felt complete again.


End file.
